Finally Friday

I am so glad today is Friday. LONG WEEK!

So,..tried meditation last night beforebed. It was hard to try and keep my mind quiet, but I really focused on my breathing. After about 8 mins, I did feel empty and ready for sleep. I was pretty tired afterwords. I slept pretty good. I think I will have to make it a pattern.

Has anyone ever noticed how pretty fruit is? I have been eating more fruit lately as part of my diet and I noticed that fruit is especially pretty. I really think God knew what he was doing. It makes sense that something so beautiful is good for you. Just a dorky thought I had.

Trying to make another loaf of wheat bread tonight. Last night I forgot to put the salt in it and it tasted awful! I hope this loaf comes out better. I enjoy making stuff with my breadmaker and it's cool that I know exactly what is in the bread.

Looking forward to this weekend. Homework, house work,...and maybe a movie. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Stress is stressful

Hi there. It's been a while since I've written. I've been making some changes to my diet. I simply just can't do the Atkins diet anymore...I hate too much meat. Now,...I love a good steak every now and then, but I can't do it every day for every meal! So...since I know my body can't handle white flour and certain carbs, Jbob and I went and bought a bread maker. I have to say...it's awesome! I've made loaf after loaf of whole wheat bread with no sugar. High fiber, no sugar, no white flour,...it's wonderful and I don't gain weight eating it. I've been feeling really stressed lately, which is one of the reasons why I haven't written. Sometimes I feel like I can only write when I have something good to share. I don't want to put out that I am struggling with something or having self doubts...or show a weakness. I always put out a front. Just to give an example...my parents didn't even realize how upset I was over a failed adoption experience. My parents came to visit and were like...you seem ok. I almost busted out in tears in the second. no...not everything is ok but I don't put it out there that it isn't. I was thinking about this and wondered if all this internalizing is actually contributing to my unhealthiness.

I suppose admiting that I am struggling sort of shows a sign of strength....right? With Jbob starting nursing school these last few weeks, I have to admit I've had a hard time adjusting. Then, at work I just feel the needs of others are sucking me dry a little. Then, school, cub scouts, and church are just more people pulling me in other directions. I feel like I am trying so hard to meet other people's expectations. But literally, I have very few hours that I can dedicate to myself.
I was considering trying to learn how to meditate. I know that I am always exhausted and I wonder if I'm not sleeping well.

So...now that I've complained and vented...amazingly I do feel a little better. LOL. Here are my solutions:

1. keep the food changes coming up. I am now no longer eating white flour at all. Everything I make is wheat flour. I even made a wheat crust pizza! It was great

2. take vitamins. I need to start taking vitamins again and see if that helps my exhaustion.

3. Make more time for me. Even though the TV is my way to relax, exercising and meditating are probably a better choice. I am going to try to learn to meditate starting tonight. I found a website for beginners...so here I go.

As far as my diet. I have not moved any lower in losing weight...so this month I am at 3 lbs. I think a large portion of this is stress and lack of exercising. However, I do think that the changes I am making will help for a better month in Feb.

My next commitment is to write here...even if I don't feel I have anything positive to share. I think that holding in my doubts isn't beneficial and at least laying them out helps to identify and possibly, someone out there has advice for me.

truck'in

So...I lost three lbs last week. YAY! This week has been rough. I can't seem to get any energy and my throat is starting to hurt today. I am hoping that it is just thirst because I haven't had a lot of water lately, but I'm afraid I'm going to get sick again. I don't even have any sick days at work anymore because I've already suffered through two colds since November. The last thing I need is to get sick again. My doctor said I have a weak immune system...but goodness sakes! To the vitamins!

Why throw the baby in the dumpster?

I heard on the news today that a woman here in AZ threw her baby in the dumpster. Why? I hate this thinking. Here are women like me, unable to have children, that would take that child in a heartbeat, no questions asked. You don't even have to tell me why! Just hand over the baby on be on your way. I don't understand this. I think women like this should be given the death penalty.

Cub Scouts....????

SO exhausted. No time for working out today (except I made my dogs walk on the treadmill while I ate dinner). I got home, had enough time to eat, then had to go to a cub scouts meeting. I've never done scouts before. Don't have kids,...was completely lost. My church asked me to be a Wolf Leader. I have no idea what I'm doing! One day at a time! Anyway, just got home and already have to go to bed so writing a quick note. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. I am really tired and a weekend sounds good.

Keep on Truck'in

So, today was good. I didn't cheat, no sugar, no white flour. I weighed this morning and saw I already lost 2 lbs. Of course it is water weight, but still...it's going in the right direction. Last night I worked out on the Wii for about 50 mins. I really recommend the wii to people who hate to exercise and love to play games. Exercise is usually the last thing I want to do because when I get home from work..I'm tired. I want to veg, I want to watch TV, and I want to relax. But, I know the only way I am going to really become healthy is if I diet and exercise. Tonight I am taking off because I am exhausted. I think it is sugar withdrawals. LOL. I am going to go to bed early tonight and then plan on doing the treadmill tomorrow.

Doing good!

So day 2 of diet went much better than day 1. No cheating this time! I ate all appropriate food and will be exercising tonight on my Wii Fit. My knees kind of are bothering me from yesterday's workout on the treadmill, so I figured the wii would be a good gentle way to get some fun exercise tonight. I feel much more on track today. Although I think I am way to young to be having issues with my knees, I guess I am not as young as I use to be.

Correcting my wrong

Finished homework and going to go work out for 40 mins on the treadmill. Step one to correcting my bad habits. LOL

Did it-exercies 40 mins on treadmill...did core exercises.

OOPS

So...how did the diet go today Dear? Ummm,....it went really good during the day. I ate all the high protein foods that I was suppose to eat. I had a high protein low carb yogurt and sunflower seeds for breakfast(not together), turkey and cottage cheese for lunch, and dinner.....that is where I screwed up. I almost didn't write about this because I didn't want anyone to know that I am a failure on Day 1 of my diet. I mean...I am not oblivious to the retardedness of that or how pathetic it is. So, I decided to face facts and go ahead and tell the truth. JBob needed me to go to pick up his paycheck and deposit it for him since he is closing tonight at his restaurant. Now,...guess what kind of restaurant JBob works at? You got it...PIZZA. So, by time I finished work, drove over to the 'joint' and picked up the check, I was so hungry. The smell of pizza was wonderful and the fact that I can get it for free is so tempting. So, I did it and made Jbob make a pizza for me. I nibbled on a few slices on the way home and then ate a few slices at home. Now,... I am suffering from indigestion and a sore conscience. I am an idiot. OYE.

At least I am taking responsibility for my screw up and I know tomorrow I will do better. The fact that I feel so guilty about it makes me think that I really do want to do this and am committed. Otherwise, I'd probably just be like...whatever, and eat the pizza without a thought. I know I need to do this. I know I can't have kids until I lose weight. OH! Here's the kicker...what do you want more Dear? Kids or Pizza...(well,...5 mins ago it was pizza,...but now I want kids since I'm not hungry anymore.....long term....I think Kids are a better investment.)

I feel dumb, and it was a dumb move. I didn't anticipate the guilt I feel right now and the disappointment. Maybe that's a good sign. Tomorrow...I will stick to my diet and I will, promise...I will write the truth no matter how dumb I feel about it.

Back to Work

So,..the vacation is over. Back to work today! Not that thrilled. I guess being gone for a week and a half really hit home that I could leave this job and be perfectly happy. Although, I do like to work and if there is any employer out there that is a great employer, University of Phoenix is one of them. I wouldn't want to work for many other employers out there, since I have to work.

Also,...starting the hard part of my diet today. No sugar, no white flower, high protein. Yay...(sarcastic). wish me luck!

Sunday, missing parents

So, my parents went home yesterday. I miss them already. I get to see them maybe once a year, or twice if I'm lucky. Pains of living across the country from them. My Dad has really focused on becoming healthy. He even led an aerobics class in my living room for my Mom and I to follow him. It was hilarious. It was too good to pass up and I secretly recorded my Mom and Dad dancing around in the living room on my phone. No...I will not be posting it on utube as then I would be disowned, possibly sued, but I will replay it often and chuckle to myself.

I did the Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start workout today. It was alright. Not really that strenuous, but it's about getting up and doing something except sitting on my butt, right? Tomorrow I go back to work from my vacation and also pick school back up again. I have 7 more weeks and then I graduate from my BA. Thank Goodness...but I am worried about keeping focused working/schooling again. I talked to my Dad about it and he said it is a matter of making it a priority. I know...I am just worried about keeping focused and falling into bad habits again. Hopefully hanging out with my folks this long helped me pick up some good habits. They kept me moving a lot more than I am used to with hikes, walks, living room aerobics, and more. I want to keep it moving forward.

Beginning of a New Year

Happy New Year Everyone! I have plans for this year! One of them being this ultimate goal of losing weight. I went for a very challenging (for me) hike yesterday with my family. We went up the Superstition Mountains. Was about a 3 mile hike, but mostly up hill. It was challenging, but I was really happy with myself when it was done. I definitely plan on continuing looking into hiking. With all the scenery and mountains in AZ, I don't really know why Jbob and I haven't done more. I am hoping that he will feel up to it on weekends for some variety on things we can do except sitting on our butts watching TV all weekend. I was really happy to know that I lost a lb this morning! However....I am sure I already gained it back because we had a scrumptious New Years meal consisting of turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, and rolls. So,...the no carbs diet isn't in effect until Monday. However, I am definitely focused on exercising since I can necessarily go on my high protein diet yet. I will be starting that on Monday...which all the turkey will help me with. Well...good evening and will write again soon.